Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Five Questions Meme

Against what would have been my better judgement (had I exercised it to begin with), I agreed to let Lynn S ask me five questions [and now I'm *finally* going to answer them...]:

1. The infamous dinner party question, with a bit of a different twist: Your five guests will be comic book characters. A truce is declared for the evening so you can invite both heros and villans if you like.

Part of me wants to make an 'eye candy' list of Supergirl, Batgirl, Mary Marvel, etc., but that's not really the point here, is it? [grin]...

Okay, operating under the 'no agression rule enforced by magical means' rule:

Let's start with Darkseid and Thanos -- a villain whose goal is finding the Anti-Life Equation and another who's in love with Death itself; gotta be some good conversation there, doncha think? -- oh, and let's toss in Thanos' brother (and one-time superhero) Starfox fer good measure...

Last two: Magneto and Kitty Pryde -- a little debate on human/mutant relations wouldn't be such a bad thing, would it? (and the reason I didn't pick Professor X fer the good-guy side of this topic? -- cmon, I getta have *some* eye candy here, don't I? [grin]...)

...hmm, seems I skewed a little bit toward the villainous, didn't I? (Well, *I'd* be on hand to even it out [grin]...)

2. Name three or four famous musicians (living or dead) whom you'd like to have a jam session with.

My first thought on this one wuz that most famous musicians would be risky choices because their egos and mine probably couldn't fit into any building smaller than a stadium together [grin] -- but let's try setting that little issue aside and see where we go, shall we?...

Names that sprang into mind after a moment's thought (given another moment, I might've gone into a whole 'nother genre...):

Tony Williams on drums, Dave Holland on bass, Bill Frisell on guitar, and Archie Shepp on sax

3. Describe your ideal vacation (reality or fantasy).

I think we'd start with a couple of weeks back in Naantali, Finland, and eventually wind up with some trilaterally symmetrical Trups from the planet Yom in the Pi Ursa Major system sometime in the late 24th century (the rest I leave to your imagination...)

4. What's the weirdest thing you've ever found on the Internet?

It's a wonderment I haven't spent a fortune in therapy bills just due to some of the more extreme pr0n I've seen in my time (esp. in the days before pop-up blockers -- thanx fer drudging up those repressed memories [grin]) -- however, something a little more pleasant that comes to mind is a site with transgendered superhero fanfiction [NOTE: mature subject matter in those stories -- you been warned, dernded it!...]

5. In a recent post you mentioned something about "giving sermons on the subject of whether or not Jesus had a sex life." Tell me more about that. (Sorry, the Devil made me ask that.)

While I wuz touring with an ecumenical youth ministry (which will remain nameless to protect the innocent -- and the people involved too [grin]), I happened upon a somewhat-radical Christian text (wish I still knew the title) which had an interesting subchapter called something like "Did Jesus Have A Penis -- And If So, Why?" which discussed the idea of Jesus having sex (whether with a partner or 'flying solo', as it were) -- that subchapter wuz only aboot a paragraph in length, but I started elaboratng on it and improvising riffs around it just fer me own giggles (and those of me mates in that crew, which included both a devout Nietzschean [if one can in fact be such a thing] and a guy who wanted to become an Episcopalean priest purely fer the opportunity to spike the communion with LSD -- yes, I hung out with the *hip* crowd, didn't I?), and eventually I had a whole speech up to aboot sermon-length (albeit rather rambly at that size) -- somewhere along the line, we walked into a straightlaced fundamentalist church that *obviously* didn't dig our 'secular humanistic' leanings, and I decided to open up on them with that routine (which I did happily 3 or 4 more times under similar circumstances until 'the band broke up', so to speak...) this is where I's supposed ta give yawl permission to request some questions from me to ask of you (although I make absolutely *no* promises for originality, relevance or appropriateness [PC or otherwise]...)


Blogger Betty said...

If Professor X is being played by Patrick Stewart, I think he does count as eye candy. Mmmm, Patrick Stewart...

Probably not what you had in mind, though. :)

You can shoot me some questions if you wanna.

10:30 AM, August 08, 2007  
Blogger Rob Carr said...

Not James Jamerson on bass? Dave Holland is good, but Jamerson would be my pick (no pun intended). Ok, so I play electric bass....

9:25 AM, August 11, 2007  
Blogger Andrew Ironwood said...

Jamerson's good, no doubt -- but if I'da been thinking *electric* bass, I'da had Pastorious, Entwhistle, or possibly even Ronnie Wood in mind first (although they all to one degree or another pose the additional problem of making sure everyone else stays out of their way...)

12:40 PM, August 11, 2007  
Blogger Andrew Ironwood said...

Betty, after a ridiculous amount of time thinking aboot it, I decided to give you a choice of questions (pick any five you wanna try -- and no, these aren't all my idea; in fact the last one is the only 'original' question from my fevered brow) --


1) If you were having a dinner party and could invite any three famous [as in well-known to the general population] people [currently living only, of course, of course], who would they be?

2) What book have you most recently finished reading?

3) What profession did you want to be when you were 10 years old?

4) What classes did you like best in high school?

5) What would I most likely find in your refrigerator on any given day?


1) Let us assume a fully grown, completely healthy Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with a thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but completely immobile. And let us assume that-for some reason- every political prisoner on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed to wear steel toed boots. WOULD YOU ATTEMPT TO DO THIS?

2) You meet your soul mate. However, there is a catch: every three years, someone will break both of your soulmate's collarbones with a Cresent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: you must swallow a pill that will make every song you hear-for the rest of your life- sound as if it's being performed by the band Alice In Chains. When you hear Credence Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like it's being played by Alice In Chains. If you see Radiohead live, every one of their tunes will sound like it's being covered by Alice In Chains. When you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains; if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like deceased Alice vocalist Layne Staley performing a capella (but it will only sound this way to you). WOULD YOU SWALLOW THE PILL?

3) At long last, someone invents "the dream VCR". This machine allows you to tape an entire evening's worth of your own dreams, which you can then watch at your leisure. However, the inventor of the dream VCR will only allow you to use this device if you agree to a strange caveat: when you watch your dreams, you must do so with your family and your closest friends in the same room. They get to watch your dreams along with you. And if you don't agree to this, you can't use the dream VCR. WOULD YOU STILL DO THIS?

4) For reasons that cannot be explained, cats can sudddenly read on a twelfth-grade level. They can't write, but they can read silently and understand the text. Many cats love this new skill, because they now have something to do while they lay around the house; however, a few cats become depressed, because reading forces them to realize the limitations of their own existence (not to mention the utter frustration of being unable to express themselves). THAT BEING THE CASE, DO YOU THINK THE AVERAGE CAT WOULD ENJOY GARFIELD, OR WOULD CATS FIND THIS CARTOON TO BE AN INSULTING CARICATURE?

5) A visitor from the future gives you one free use of a functional holodeck, which he has programmed to be able to simulate *any* sci-fi 'universe' from literature, TV or films. You can choose the location in both space and time, but this holodeck has two peculiar bugs: 1) you have to pick a precise length of time you will be in the simulation before starting (which you cannot change once you are inside and the program is running); and 2) the Mortality Safeguards are, well, not *entirely* reliable. WOULD YOU STILL USE THE HOLODECK, AND IF SO, WHEN AND WHERE (IN WHICH CONTINUITY) WOULD YOU GO?

1:30 AM, September 17, 2007  

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