Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Continuing To Document The Frightening Accuracy Of Blogthings...

Your Monster Profile
Evil Butcher
Evil Butcher

You Feast On: Grass

You Lurk Around In: Flocks of Freshmen

You Especially Like to Torment: Emo Kids

[found amidst the high molecular weight protein extracts of dotdotdot...]

Monday, May 29, 2006

Entry From A Superhero Encyclopedia I Was Reading In A Dream

SHADOW MADGE: Manicurist turned crimefighter. Fond of dipping criminals' fingertips into acid. Signature quote: Who knows what evil lurks in the cuticles of men?...

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Clue #165 That You Spend Too Much Time Reading Blogs

From across the room, you glance at a newspaper car ad for a cash-back offer facing you upside-down, and you initially think the '$3000' in the ad header looks like "DOOCE"...

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Our Dolphin Joke Of The Day...

From a spam in my work e-mail regarding university diplomas (?):

Darkness chef compendia. But that isn't right, either.

The spring run-off got rid of that Pomeroy dirty bird, but a car is ever so much heavier than a man, isn't it? These she tied to several of the links to aid visibility. I hate that. It wasn't as bad; it was worse. He got into the Bel Air. Would she have behaved in this same fashion if it had been Joe Blow from Kokomo she had hauled out of the wreck? Not great, and there were plenty of details still to be worked out, but it looked okay. Browne.
[NOTE: Blogger's spell checker suggested 'cocoon' for 'Kokomo' and 'boner' for 'Pomeroy' (!)...]

Sunday, May 21, 2006

I'm Not One Of Your Comic-Book Heroes...

[this meme found via Johnny Bacardi]

What Was:

(1) the first comic book you remember reading and its price

I have no doubt I read ones before this, but the earliest one I can remember (and still have) would be Marvel Tales #2 from 1965 (price: 25 cents). Unfortunately, my older brother and I quickly disagreed on whose it was, and the loser of the ensuing tug-of-war was the comic itself, with the cover and first page getting shredded (which of course is why it quickly thereafter became 'mine') -- pretty much the same thing also happened to the first guitar in our household, actually...

(2) the first comic book you remember buying yourself and its price

I'm thinking that would've been 1968's Marvel Tales #13 (price: 25 cents), although that might just be the oldest one that survived the yearly MS Telethon donation purges mandated by my mother...

(3) the most recent comic book you bought and the price

After a cursory look through the collection, it looks like either Scott McCloud's Zot!: Book 1 (price: $34.95) or Batman: Batgirl (price: $4.95), both dated 1997 (I'm actually a little surprised to find anything *that* recent, although it's not entirely impossible that I coulda bought an old Silver Age issue or two at a convention after that [like possibly Adventure Comics #346?...])

(4) any particular big-time bargain you've stumbled across (comic-wise) and the price

Probably the last comic I bought in a grocery store from one of those spinning racks in the middle of the aisle was a rare variant cover version of 1987's Justice League #3 (price: 75 cents -- how that ended up in a grocery store and not a comic store is beyond me, but I knew as soon as I spotted it, with that 'Superman Comics' logo where the DC logo was supposed to be, that I *had* to have that book -- I just saw where someone's trying to sell *their* copy on eBay for $99; good luck with that there, mate...)

(5) the most you ever spent on a comic or comics-content book and its price

Looks like the aforementioned Zot! gets this nod as well (although since I have a vague recollection that I bought that one on-line, it's possible I mighta gotten a *slight* discount...)

Saturday, May 20, 2006

I Was Overdue For A Meme Infection...

[via That Rabbit Girl]

Copy the list below and bold the titles you've read [me, I'm only bolding the ones I'm *sure* I read all-the-way-thru], italicize the ones you might read [or in my case, go back and finish], cross out the ones you won't [I've also crossed off one I definitely won't *reread*], underline the ones on your book shelf, and place parentheses around the ones you've never heard of:

The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger
The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adams
The Great Gatsby - Scott F. Fitzgerald
To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - J. K. Rowling
The Life of Pi - Yann Martel
Animal Farm: A Fairy Story - George Orwell
Catch 22 - Joseph Heller

The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
1984 - George Orwell
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - J. K. Rowling
One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden

(The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini)
The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
Slaughterhouse 5 - Kurt Vonnegut
(The Secret History - Donna Tartt)
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis
Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides
Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
(Atonement - Ian McEwan)
(The Shadow of The Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon)
The Old Man and the Sea - Ernest Hemingway
The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath

Dune - Frank Herbert

Friday, May 19, 2006

Lyrics? We Dun Need No Stinkin' *Lyrics*!...

For some strange reason, the theme to the old Daniel Boone TV series earwormed its way out of my memory banks and into my conscious brain today.

And when I started to try to sing along, I realized I'd forgotten most of the words.

So here's what I sang aloud (in the privacy of my own home, of course, of course) throughout my lunch hour:

Daniel Boone was a man
Yes, a big man
Cause he ate lots of poodles
While he sang "Yankee Doodle" off-key...

Thursday, May 18, 2006

With Dreams Like This, Maybe My Subconscious Should Take A Night Class In Screenwriting...

Setting: Japan of the near-future (sort of a low-rent Blade Runner-meets-Total Recall)

Our heros are identical twin brothers seeking revenge (in the classic modern martial arts film tradition) against the mobster who killed their parents and stole the ownership of the family hotel business. Besides both being inhumanely-good kung fu masters, one of the pair also has the mutant ability to cause anything on which he focuses his anger to burst into flames at his touch (an ability he dislikes and tries to suppress, of course, of course).

A prime obstacle in their quest to avenge their parents and regain their legacy: the new young chief of detectives assigned by the corrupt city officials to 'protect' the mob boss. What no-one else realizes is that our two heros are not really twins but *triplets*, and the chief detective (whose large scar across his left cheek from an earlier encounter with this mob back when he was a rookie beat cop seems to serve the same function as Clark Kent's glasses) is the *third brother*, covertly helping the renegades he is expected to apprehend...

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Is Somebody Up There Trying To Tell Me Something?... what do *you* think it means when the personalized license plate of the truck that cuts you off in traffic reads "HEBR 12 2"?...

Monday, May 15, 2006

Open Question To Whoever's Reading This

Is this the First Law of Physical Therapists?:

All patients will be able to touch their knees to their ears...

Friday, May 12, 2006

As Seen On The Playlist I Was Dreaming This Morning Just Before I Woke Up

Dr. N-I -- The Pimpin' and The Pimp [which IIRC sounded something like a hardcore gangsta rap set to a sample from the theme to Pinky and the Brain (?)...]

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Dream Analysis Anime Theatre

(or, Maybe I've Been Watching Too Much Inuyasha?...)

In feudal era Japan, our hero enters what looks to be the local pub and demands to know the location of General Wu, the man who killed his father.

A man at the bar stands up and says he is General Wu's 2nd-in-command, and that our hero would be wise to leave before he is killed.

Our hero knocks this person out with a single backhand.

Another man kneels next to the unconscious one and, now realizing our hero is the half-wolf-demon known to be hunting for General Wu, directs our hero to a nearby hut where he can get freshened up while the 2nd-in-command is woken up and prepared for their duel.

Our hero goes to the hut and changes into his battle gear. Apparently his father was one *big* wolf-demon, as his hide lines the entirety of our hero's outfit, which looks rather like something a Cossack might wear during a Stanlingrad winter. The wolf's head covers the hat, which looks like a cross between the bottom half of one of those furry anthills worn by the Buckingham Palace guards and a shaggy version of an upside-down piece of Devo headgear.

A woman walks in as our hero is dressing and half-faints. As our hero helps her up, she tells him she is the wife of the man he is going to duel. He promises her an honorable fight, but that her husband is certain to die: if he is not killed in the battle itself, he would certainly commit seppuku afterwards after our hero forces him to reveal the General's location. The wife begs our hero to leave without fighting her husband, even offering to lead him to General Wu herself.

[...and that's when I woke up...]

Monday, May 08, 2006

Why "Cranberry Flags"?

I didn't think it would take long for someone to ask this question, and Rob (in the comments of the previous post) did not disappoint.

I was watching something or another on TV that was poker-related (which I've been doing a lot of recently), and there was a segment on nicknames for the different denominations of poker chips. Apparently (IIRC), at the Bellagio Hotel, their $5000 chips are red-white-and-blue (and thus referred to as 'flags') while their $25000 chips are called 'cranberries' because of their color.

At which point, I whipped out my ever-present pocket notebook and wrote down the phrase 'cranberry flags', thinking:

"I'm going to use that for *something* one of these days..."

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Who Am I? Why Am I Here?

Previously on Blogspot (for the benefit of those of you who haven't been following me around these past few years -- *you* know who you are...), I have been incarnated as a 70's counter-culture novel, a deceased 60's DC superhero, an obscure Marvel supervillain, the King of Iron, and oftimes a frequent purveyor of the opaque, the enigmatic, and/or the self-referential. [Not bad work if you can get it, children...]

I have yet to determine exactly who or what I'll be *this* time, but I'm hoping that this time, not unlike Captain Kirk's last mission, it'll be "fun"...


My TV Viewing Habits:

30-Minute Meals, Behind the Bash, Comedy Central Presents, Entertainment Tonight, Fear Factor, Good Eats, Iron Chef, Iron Chef America, World Poker Tour (and anything else poker related), most any WWE programming, and my sadly incomplete VHS tape collection of X-Men: Evolution episodes...

My Personal Heroes:

Howard Roarke, Albert Einstein, Mister Spock, Lieutenant Commander Data, Rocky Balboa, Kwai Chang Caine, Bruce Lee, John Wayne, Annie Duke, Jennifer Harman, Batgirl (the Barbara Gordon one), Mary Marvel and Kitty Pryde...

Who I'd Like To Meet Someday:

Some trilaterally symmetrical Trups from the planet Yom in the Pi Ursa Major system sometime in the late 24th century (but I'm somewhat open to other suggestions [keeping in mind I'm a married man, of course, of course...])